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Why? Is there something wrong with me???? | sasha0309's Blog


It is a simple question. I am sure we have all asked ourselves. What did I do wrong? What wrong path did I take?? What is the reason for all this? 


I spent 5 days in the hospital. (total different story). They had me so medicated and would not answer or tell me anything but 
 " here take this now" So many meds that I only remember my family there 1 day for a short time. But the meds they gave me had me so knocked out, when I finally came home my father told me he was there everyday for hours just watching me sleep.

Thanksgiving I spent since 4am cooking and prepping dinner for 15+ people. When I went to clean myself up ie blow dry my long hair upside down. My blood sugar dropped because I had not eaten and I fell to the floor. Hitting my shoulder on marble threshold. Spent the next few days in pain but tried to hid it or figured it would pass. 

Finally went to dr for xrays etc.  Turns out fractured collar bone. (this is still while recouping from hospital and previous rib cage injuries). 

Then I left my fiance because I didn't like the way he was acting towards my son and self. Broken bones and all started moving back to my parents. Having to a husband Just is not worth it. Looked at my finger with $10,000  
in diamonds on just one finger. Handed it to him. 

" Please take these back. I hope some day you will see.... no matter how much money you can't buy me!"

He is not bad man. But it is his way or nothing. There was no choice. The house was frigged and sterile it always had me afraid. There were times he would start yelling because my son left a sock in front of the tv..... ok oh he was playing to many games... why are his friends here all the time? I could go on and on. When we first moved in with him all was fine. He actually said that we brought life to the house. That lasted for only a few months before we started getting under his skin so to speak. I could hear him heavy foot storm through the house. He got mad because I nicknamed him "Storming Norman". 

I guess life was something he didn't want or truly understand. Every door was always shut. He used to get mad when I would leave the bedroom doors open. They would all have to be shut all the time. He would yell at my ... yell at me. yell at the animals... yell at his mentally ill ie Parkinson dementia etc 89 yr old father. 

I have had to learn to do everything with my left hand. (it's the right side broken). 


Right now I want to cry. All I wanted was to have a happy family.


Why? WHY? What did I do wrong again this time?

This Blog Entry's Comment Board (2 comments)
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Candyapplesam
Posted on 08:27AM on Dec 19th, 2012
It sounds like the problem was him not you. You can't change someone so in this case you did the right thing. I'm sorry that you and your son had to go through that.
sasha0309
Posted on 01:56PM on Dec 19th, 2012
Thank you. I am appreciative your reply. I am so sorry to have put my son through all that. Everything all nice and normal. Then I started to realize my son was scared. Thank you for your "sorry" for us. I am adult I have been through worse. My son is the one I worry about. Mom makes bad decisions!!!! And these effect him. My exhusband and inlaws to this day say that I am the best mother to my son. I just feel like I keep letting him down. He wants a male figure that can play with him. That is a role of have taken on. I tried to find a good man 2x after his dad each time it exploded. Maybe I cannot choose good men? Maybe I am over protective? (ps... never can be to protective of your child.) If I have to stay alone the rest of my life to make sure my child lives his right..... that is fine with me. I just want to be happy.
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Previous Posts
Happy New Year TOO ALL, posted December 31st, 2012
Why? Is there something wrong with me????, posted December 19th, 2012, 2 comments

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